I wasn’t going to write a post today, today was not a mountain but a cliff. I would like to write coffee fixed all my issues today, but it didn’t. I would love to wax lyrical about how fun today was, but it wasn’t. I wish I had some inspired activities to describe, but I don’t. However I have a choice, and right now I choose to share for my own benefit.

I was woken at 3.25am this morning by the IPad alarm, yes you read that correctly, thanks Zara your skill on the IPad without being shown is amazing. Sleep has done nothing to empty my full mind and now it is fully awake and racing. I only catch about another hour or so sleep before being woken by Angus jumping into bed with me at 6am.

I spent yesterday afternoon looking through the kids school packs, my confidence won’t hold. I struggle this morning to even get the kids to the kitchen table to start discussing the day. I pull out their activities, Angus is talking non stop, Clancy is looking less than motivated, and Zara is already having small meltdowns. I’m now doubting my capabilities to support all three, at different stages of learning and extremely different support needs.

Angus rushes through 2 worksheets, no effort expended, he’s desperate to get outside as we have a shearer here crutching and a truck expected to deliver fertiliser today. Zara has melted down and is hiding under a small rug and Clancy is looking lost.

I work through a small activity with Clancy and I hear Zara leave the house, I’m holding back tears but only just. Clancy asks if he can go outside now. We have only been at this about 20 minutes and it’s all bottomed out. With all the kids outside the flood gates open. I can no longer hold the tears in. Tears would come and go all day like rolling storms. I’m overwhelmed and today is not a teaching or learning day. I’m left wondering how many days will be like this and I’m feeling less than capable of weathering my storms.

I look out from the back veranda and see Zara in the paddock just beyond the yard. She playing in a pen we are hoping to temporarily house some chooks in soon while we construct something more permanent. I walk across to her, she smiles and verbalises her version of “come in”. I blow her a kiss and say I’m happy watching you here, in hindsight I missed an opportunity to play, when did I forget the need to play. She comes out of the pen and gives me a hug, I whisper “I love you” as I gently pull back, but she’s not done and hugs me tighter.

Back at the house, I shift gears to try and get some other stuff online finished. The website is slow and constantly drops out. Frustrated watching the spinning wheel of website death I decide to phone mum while I wait. I thought that I had stemmed the tears, apparently not, thanks for being there again mum you’re always my safe place to fall off cliffs.

The truck is coming down the front drive. Mal calls out, he wants me to go turn the crutched sheep onto another paddock in about half an hour as he will be busy unloading the truck. Well at least this will be a distraction from my current feelings. I ask Zara if she would like to move sheep with me, an enthusiastic “yay” comes and she is racing for the door. I get my instructions from the know it all five year old, and Zara and I are off.

We stop near the crutching trailer and have a quick chat with the shearer. Zara climbs up and gives a ewe in the crutching cradle a pat on the head. We climb back in the buggy and patiently wait for the last few ewes to be crutched and Zara counts them as they emerge from the trailer. We gently steer the mob across the paddock, past a dam and through the gate to the adjoining paddock. Zara is loving the ride, her joy is escaping her body in happy flapping and squealing.

The rest of the afternoon is just moving through time, get the washing in, prepare dinner, feed the dog, bath the kids, and sit for a coffee. Zara verbalises something to me and takes me to the hallway where she points to the photo on the wall, “Wa dat?” She asks. “That me and you, Dad and Clancy”. She points to my chest “num” and points to herself “Zaza”, and raises her arms for me to pick her up for a hug. I love her more than life, she is always exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.

Tomorrow is a new day, the sun will rise and I will too, but hopefully later than 3.25am. I hope that my turmoil today is temporary and I find happiness in simple things tomorrow, falling from cliffs is hard.

Be kind to yourselves. See you tomorrow.

Larissa x

“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you.”

― A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh Library

Like most nights lately I lie awake with my mind full, however last night I lay awake listening to rain falling. The air is fresh and the sound of raindrops relaxing. It’s late, I must try and sleep. It’s not long before my sleep is interrupted by a child being sick. I know my sleep will now be edgy like any other mother subconsciously listening for the next sickness call out.

I’m woken by mobile alarm going off, I don’t know why I haven’t yet switched that off, maybe I find comfort in the routine. This morning is hard, I’m more tired than usual, coffee first and then I set about cleaning the vomit pile of sheets, there seems to be more than I remember piling up over night.

Off to town to collect the school packs and the mail. I always find driving alone sets my mind free. I have the music playing loud enough to do ear damage and I’m singing like rock star. Those of you who know my singing abilities knows this is some concert hence why I drive alone. Varying emotions are coming like regular waves today, they build, peak, roll and break. Set after set of waves.

Mobile reception cuts in finally so I call mum to check in. We have a good laugh at some of the crazy things we have been doing or thinking about in the past week. I’m definitely my mother’s daughter, we share the same cracked gene for humour. The singing and chat with mum is a lift I need to find my feet and ride a happy wave set.

Greeting people at the school gate, at a socially acceptable distance but with no less a smile, is the principal. It’s nice to see a friendly face outside the farm gate. It’s drizzling a little but people are smiling at each other, this is a supportive environment in the mist of this strange situation we all find ourselves in. I run a few quick errands in town and head back to the farm. I’m still riding that happy wave and performing in the car again, please wave don’t break yet.

I’m sorting through the mail when Mal calls out that there is a turtle near the cow yard gate. Excited kids grab their shoes and rush out the door. Angus is the most interested and is asking questions to which my only answer is “I don’t know, we will have to look that up”, and we will. It’s lunch time so we head back to the house.

In the mail today is a cable adapter so I can connect the IPad to the TV, I love nerdy stuff like this, it will be utilised for story time videos our teachers are posting on Facebook, yoga channels, and many more things I’ve yet to discover I’m sure. I pull out all the stationery, games and the kids new school packs. I organise it all and sit with a coffee to figure out how to move forward. I’m a little terrified but determination is the next wave, here’s hoping this wave is a long smooth ride.

Teacher mum makes an appearance again tomorrow, the kids have had a 3 day weekend, it’s time to move forward again. The hopeful wave has arrived, hopeful the kids are open to this new mode of learning, hopeful my patience holds out, and hopeful we can find fun and laughter in the process.

Well not much on the learning front today. I’ve seen some great ideas being passed around on social media, so let’s hope tomorrows wave is inspired learning.

See you all tomorrow.

Larissa x

“Sometimes in the waves of change we find our true direction.”

~ Unknown ~

Day 2 started in a similar way to yesterday with a desperate need for coffee. My addiction to coffee will become evident in posts to come. One of my first bosses when I joined the workforce, Greg, used to have coffee waiting for me every morning, he would tell me “you’re not human until you’ve had coffee”, he was right.

The difference today was my boys were dressed and already outside. They have been planting and tending their own “farm” in our back yard for weeks now. Both had planted wheat, and with a little recent rain, they now had a small crop growing. They both then headed off with Mal to move sheep. I was left wondering if we would get to any activities like yesterday. Then there was a small knock at our back door, Angus can’t reach the door knob, I open the door and there stands my sweet boy presenting me with a bouquet of wheat that he had collected while out in the paddocks. These are self sown from last years harvest, we haven’t yet sown our paddocks for this year. We all sit down to discuss and list what we might like to do today, my hope is restored.

We pop open a tin of dominoes and set about playing traditional dominoes. Today we have a “my turn” loader toy for Zara’s visual helper. It’s progressing nicely, we are being a bit flexible with the rules and allowing unorthodox placements so long a numbers match on at least one surface.

During the first game, (I’m insisting on at least 2 games), Clancy asks if we can play knock down dominoes. I tell him “Certainly, but after the second game”. I’m actually interested on where that will lead. Well it starts off okay but we only have a small set of dominoes. It seems team work is too much for the boys today and the tension is rising. I quickly grab the iPad and start YouTube looking for domino knock downs. Winner, the kids are engaged with the first one I play which as luck would have it is showing basic statistics on how many dominoes used, how long construction took, and how many people are involved. Zara is loving the colourful spirals and towers toppling down.

Time for free time, and coffee!

Angus has headed off in the tractor with Mal. My anxiety is peaking again. Remember to breathe Larissa. It’s then my brother video calls, great timing BJ. It was nice to see him. Clancy didn’t want to talk today, but Zara did, she loves Uncie. She waves and says hello. I ask her to show Uncie what she’s doing and she holds up a lego Cinderella and would later show him that Cinderella is playing on a slippery dip. We wave goodbye, family is everything.

Well the day plan seems to have gone out the window. We are still trying to keep the house and farm running, all the while trying to support the kids learning coupled with speech therapy for Zara and patching eye therapy for Angus. There never seems to be enough time in the day when things are normal let alone now. More coffee!

It’s 2 o’clock and it’s time to bundle Clancy and Zara into the car to head down the farm to collect Mal and Angus. We park next to a Kurrajong tree at one end of the paddock and all pile out.

The tractor is making a plume of dust, we haven’t had much rain but the work continues in hope. I give Clancy a silly quiz on parts of the tree. The tractor pulls up a distance from us and Angus walks across to join us.

Our tree has substantial roots above the ground and Angus starts to use one like a balance beam, so I tell the kids the roots are safe but the dirt is lava and they have to get right around the tree without falling in. Fun and giggles follow.

We head back home. After a quick drink, Mal and Clancy head back to the tractor. I’m feeling low again this crazy life could continue for a long time, can I be enough for the kids? Angus pops up and asks if we can play hide and seek, it would seem he was paying attention to our planning this morning. So a few rounds of hide and seek ensues in the house, Zara isn’t really enthusiastic but plays once.

Angus finds a couple of dice whilst hiding and asks if we can play rolls. It seems he is making up activities again, hurray. So we roll and add the dots on them up over and over. Would you look at that, incidental maths opportunity. Angus has had enough and asks if he can do some “patching” with the iPad. Seriously is he reading my anxious mind, well no, he’s angling for game time on the PlayStation which is our usual reward for patching, but hell whatever is going to tick something off my internalised list I’m okay with.

Clancy and Mal return home for afternoon tea before Mal heads off again. Angus is still iPad patching and Clancy asks for a turn on the PlayStation. “No” is my answer, “not until we’ve done story time”. However I decide that today the kids can makeup a story using teddies as characters and the other can video it on the iPad, and to my surprise they agree. Clancy was first up and it descends into rubbish, so I pull teacher rank and tell him he has to try to take this seriously or the PlayStation stays off. Instant success, it’s short and sweet and I will aim to expand his effort next time. Angus is up next. He races off to collect his crew of characters. His story is short, but he decides to do a second one. This one comes with a sweet bit of singing too, my heart is melting, it’s short but enthusiastic. Given this isn’t someone reading story time I will make time to read a story with Zara after dinner if she is open to it.

I’m feeling like I’m drowning in my feelings of lack of efforts with Zara today. It’s a feeling I know well, it has visited often over the years. However I know this feeling will pass, I will take a breath and tomorrow I will swim again, or perhaps just tread water, either way she will be ok and I am enough. More coffee!

As I stood at the kitchen sink tonight I see the gift of wheat from Angus in front of me. I realise that, just like the wheat that has grown from scattered seeds, my kids grew a bit more today from scattered learning opportunities provided by just being with them today.

Tomorrow is the weekend, it’s only been two days, I need a break and that’s ok. Next week we will pick up school packs which may provide me with a sense of relief, I don’t know. Whatever next week holds or how it unfolds, it will be enough and my kids will be fine.

Kiss your kids goodnight, tell them you love them. Be kind to yourselves and see you Monday.

Larissa x

“When a child gives you a gift, even if it is a rock they just picked up, exude gratitude. It might be the only thing they have to give, and they have chosen to give it to you”

Dean Jackson

So all my kids were up at 6am, nothing unusual there, but I was having a hard time convincing myself to get out of bed. Two morning coffee kickstarters, make the kids their breakfast, and encourage them to get dressed and brush their teeth. “Right kids lets discuss what’s going on and how we are going to do this”.

We write a list of activities for the day.

Ok, let’s start day with social skills and our social contact. Onto messenger to video call Mamar (my mum). We all wave high and outline what we are doing today. No screenshot of Mamar, she was in her dressing gown still (you can thank me later mum 🤪).

We move on to “quiz Jenga” I prepared last night. The boys give me a bit of lip and attitude so I lay down the law, I will not be overruled by them haha. Apparently I’m over confident with my preparation and quiz Jenga reverts back to regular Jenga but with the addition of a “my turn” header toy to help Zara visualise when it’s her turn and when to wait.

All is going reasonably well and we get two games finished. Attention span limit is reached and all three kids then start to build with the blocks. Let’s see where this goes. Jenga has now become constructions, marble runs to be exact. Funny that there are marbles on the floor (yep I struggle to get them to regularly clean up). It breaks down into an argument with the boys over how to do the best race, so I pull teacher rank (apparently that’s higher ranking than mum) and tell them this is teamwork and they have to solve the problem. Clancy gives me attitude, I pull rank again, and Angus smiles and says “we need to take turns”. Hurray I have him on side and Clancy falls into line, all the while Zara has create her own structure and is happily running her marble. Attention is starting to lapse it’s time for a coffee break and free time.

We’re off again. We put on shoes, grab a shoebox each and head outside to collect things in nature we find interesting.

This exercise fast turns it “I got more than you” competition with the boys, Zara again going about her business happily not competing. We come to a track in the paddock and Angus asks if we can play tag. WOOHOO they are coming up with activities without me having to try. Clancy is still catching up as he is still collecting, so Angus, Zara and I start playing tag, what fun. Clancy finally catches up and asks if we can have some running races, more woohoo from me. Running races produces the predicted results, Angus is my sporting child and wins the races, followed by Clancy, then Zara.

We walk on and we spot numerous butterflies. I’m now literally like a child following them trying to take a photo but they are very flighty. Clancy tells me what the name of them is, apparently he remembers talking about butterflies in year one.

We head home for lunch where we plan for a teddy bear picnic. Flies are bad outside so we decide the lounge room floor. We discuss what we need for our picnic, make a list, and then designate jobs. With full bellies we take another break after packing up the picnic.

While everyone is taking a break I happily sit with a coffee checking out Facebook and thinking about our last activity, story time. When BAM, there’s a post on Facebook from school. One of the fabulous teachers has uploaded a video of her reading a book “The very cranky bear”….WOOHOO I’m off the hook for reading today, I actually love reading to my kids but today I’m exhausted.

Well we made it through day one, nobody cried, nobody lost a leg….I’m calling it a win. I actually had a lovely time with them but I’m knackered.

See you tomorrow.

“The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.” – B.B. King

Thanks for joining us!

Now is a crazy time in the world. The current virus pandemic sees a lot of people at home with their kids. Many may be overwhelmed with the thought of continuing their kids education for goodness knows how long. Me, I see this as an opportunity to get to know my kids better,what makes them tick, smile, sad, laugh and so much more. Also me being me I went into overdrive and thought it would be fun to document the ride, so I set up this page and an instagram account, I’ve never used either so thus begins my learning into the future.

Our school will be providing kits on Monday. Earlier today my anxiety peaked wondering “how the hell am I going to teach my 3 kids at home when, like most parents, I can’t even get them to pick up a towel off the floor”. Well here’s the thing, wether we realise it or not, we are teaching them every day. I don’t know what will be in the packs but I think I will be viewing them as a launching pad for my own ideas. Our home will not be school, we won’t be fighting the kids to do do this, if it’s not working we will be creative and adapt. Our kids teachers have been amazing and supportive to date, and I have no doubt in my mind they will continue to be amazing and supportive through this.

Remember that learning is a life journey not a race to the finish line. Support your kids now in all this craziness and the teaching experts will be there to pick up where our kids are at when the time comes.

Stay safe, be kind, and remember to laugh and smile.

Larissa x